Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Nitty Gritty

It's Not Always Perfect

Let's face it; every serious relationship has moments of anger and fighting. When you're constantly around someone or speaking to them, things can go from fine and dandy to offensive in seconds. Unfortunately, arguments are a part of life and they're going to happen. Even worse, is that this can also happen in long distance relationships as well. You're not always going to see eye to eye with the other person, and that's okay. It's what you do with that disagreement that matters.

When you're separated from the person you love by thousands of miles, fighting can seem to be a huge waste of time. In most cases, this is true. However, most people forget that in arguments, sometimes things are said that really need to come out in the open. Albeit, its not the best medium but regardless, they still become known. Many times, the reason why my fiancé and I would fight was because I'd bottle something up and finally explode at the smallest thing later. This made me seem completely insane and often resulted in ugly arguments that could last for hours.

Spending that kind of time fighting when you've got a 5 - 6 hour time difference between the two of you as well as thousands of miles is really just not a smart idea. You've already got the miles keeping you apart; why let an argument help tear it even further? Now, ladies I understand that sometimes (especially when it's that time of the month) we get a little bit more sensitive to things. While this is an actual reason, it is not a valid excuse. Instead of just getting angry without warning, let your man know that mother nature has called or is calling. If you're in a serious relationship, you should have no problem telling them this. Most guys that I know will be more understanding about your mood changes or sensitivity if they know why it's happening.

Now, sometimes the reason you have for fighting is something entirely different. Speaking from experience, my fiancé and I used to fight a lot over small things for nearly no reason. In reality, it all revolved around the fact that we really missed one another and would get upset about the distance and wound up taking it out on one another because we were simply already there. DO NOT let this happen too many times, especially when you and your soldier have a lot of distance between one another. It solves nothing, and will simply make the two of you unhappy. It's okay to miss each other, but fighting never helps anything.

Speaking personally, I absolutely cannot stand fighting with my fiancé. I'd much rather be telling him about my day, hearing about his or even skyping and seeing each others' faces as we talk about everything and nothing at all. Being comfortable enough to sit with someone and being able to casually float from one topic to another is actually an incredible feeling. It shows a sense of comfort with a person and often times is just incredibly calming.

As my fiancé put it: (and totally took my breath away with this) "Talking to you is like eating and breathing...I need it and cannot live without it." That feeling of just wanting to hear the other person's voice, I believe, is one of the ways to know if you're in love with a person. Their voice never gets old and no matter how many times you've heard it, you could still sit and listen to them talk forever. But, fighting with someone often ruins the chances you can get to enjoy that capability.

It really is a beautiful thing to become so close to someone else that you can share your inner most thoughts and be comfortable with it. However, that level of comfort can sometimes bring tension when you're constantly around the person. Instead of focusing on the negatives of the day, like how you miss each other horribly, or the small things that the other has done that upset you, focus on the good things. I'm not saying to ignore something that they did if it hurt you or upset you. I'm saying to discuss it and or say so nicely so that they understand that what they did or said was not appreciated and then move on so that the two of you can enjoy each others' company.

As long as you're in a serious relationship, there are going to be ups and downs. It doesn't matter that you have those ups and downs so long as you know what to do with them and handle them properly. Being in a long distance relationship isn't easy, but it doesn't change the love that you have for a person so long as you do not let it.

- Angel.

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