Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Take Care of the Things that Matter

Better Yourself for the Both of You

Nothing really prepares you for finding out that your plans to see your soldier may not come through. Finding that out is like having a hold punched through your chest. There's no way to prepare for that. You can't just ignore it and you definitely cannot "get over it." Spending six months apart can be nothing compared to deployment but let's face it, any time apart from the one you love can be torture.

While skyping with my fiancé today, I discovered that my plans to visit during the summer may not be happening. Hearing that his leave doesn't coincide with my summer break was terrible. When you're trying to plan a wedding with someone whose life is preplanned, things can get a little...well, difficult.  In the midst of considering wedding plans, I also am trying to figure out when to fly up to him if at all.

Being in love with someone intensifies nearly all of the feeling that you have toward a person. My mother once told me that my capacity to love matches my capacity to hurt. My fiancé is my whole world and loving him is like being a planet. I'm the earth and he is my sun. But, this love also means that I hurt that much deeper. Being without him is like the earth losing it's moon. I can't function and I'm lost in the dark without him.

These worlds may sound sappy to nearly everyone, but I couldn't find a more perfect way to explain how this feels. Loving someone like this, well it's different for everyone. No one can accurately say what love feels like for another person. The thing is, I had to learn how to love like that. Before meeting my now fiancé, I had my heart broken by another person. It shattered my idea of love and men for a long time. I had to relearn how to trust people and give myself up to someone else.

So, you can imagine after finally growing that trust again in someone so heavily, how it feels to have to let them go. My fiancé was a constant in my life for the first year and a half we were together as simply boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, suddenly, one day he was just gone.  Adjusting to life without your soldier can be one of the most difficult things that anyone can plan to do. For me, learning to live without him was a rollercoaster.

There were good days, there were bad days and then there were worse days. The good days meant that I was able to ignore the empty space that he'd left. The bad days were those when I couldn't ignore it and missing him took over my entire thought. Then, the worse days were those when I'd actually become emotional over everything. The sad songs came on and the tears came down. These worse days were common at first, but gradually they became less frequent. Missing him didn't become any less common, it just got easier.

The bottom line? Missing your military man is always going to happen when he's gone. But, it's what you do with that time apart is the most important. Don't spend all of your days being upset and listening to sad music or trying to imagine what things would be like if he was there. Spending your days focusing on the absence is just going to make it worse and you'll never get used to him being gone. As horrible as that sounds, becoming used to the absence has to happen. Go out with your friends, get a job or work hard while you're doing your job, get a hobby, work out or throw yourself into school if you're attending. By doing so, you're able to better yourself while he does the same.

He may feel like your entire world, and maybe he is. But don't let your life fall apart without him. Take care of yourself because if he really loves you, that's what he'll want. No man who loves his woman wants her to spend all of her days unhappy because of him. Remember, if he loves you, he'll want you to take care of yourself since he can't be there to do that.


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